Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
