another moral hangover. fuck.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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