Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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