Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We're too hungover to prance.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
