I just threw up on my dentist
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
