I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
