in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
