im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
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I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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