we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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