This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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