Please, let me fuck your mom
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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