he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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