I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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