I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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