another moral hangover. fuck.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
