I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
