New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
