PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
