today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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