Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
