I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
