thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
