my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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