someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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