If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
