That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
