pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
