but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
