1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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