you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan