his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.