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whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Randomize
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