Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick

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  (914): i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick http://tfl.nu/et20
  Replies (24) Good night (1568) Bad night (6146)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.

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  (+61): She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me. http://tfl.nu/qxca
  Replies (27) Good night (6239) Bad night (806)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?

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  (781): did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt? http://tfl.nu/bzrm
  Replies (26) Good night (4325) Bad night (757)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.

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  (623): listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville. (202): Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am. http://tfl.nu/fp1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5555) Bad night (1067)
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  (518): View more from New York

  it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.

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  (518): it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime. http://tfl.nu/6fla
  Replies (1) Good night (828) Bad night (1840)
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  (707): View more from California

  Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.

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  (707): Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car. http://tfl.nu/kt4h
  Replies (13) Good night (4533) Bad night (2526)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.

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  (217): So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world. http://tfl.nu/kbv9
  Replies (18) Good night (2473) Bad night (1649)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.

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  (732): I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that. http://tfl.nu/uw0f
  Replies (1) Good night (1411) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.

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  (801): First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all. http://tfl.nu/rs17
  Replies (1) Good night (717) Bad night (505)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.

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  (515): Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type. http://tfl.nu/lvgz
  Replies (1) Good night (577) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun

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  (760): Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun http://tfl.nu/taap
  Replies (8) Good night (1273) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards

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  (563): Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards http://tfl.nu/qcuz
  Replies (3) Good night (1068) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married

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  (508): he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married http://tfl.nu/dg6a
  Replies (10) Good night (687) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.

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  (954): He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around. http://tfl.nu/uxp2
  Replies (1) Good night (420) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest

  (937): View more from Ohio

  That happened during battle shots lol

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  (937): Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest (937): That happened during battle shots lol http://tfl.nu/pbl3
  Replies (0) Good night (735) Bad night (284)

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