her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
