Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them

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  (760): i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them http://tfl.nu/jlgr
  Replies (7) Good night (596) Bad night (1733)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...

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  (314): I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter... http://tfl.nu/166t
  Replies (36) Good night (2626) Bad night (736)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt

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  (352): You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt http://tfl.nu/6zpu
  Replies (26) Good night (3979) Bad night (733)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.

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  (508): All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed. http://tfl.nu/eckq
  Replies (22) Good night (7332) Bad night (1138)
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  (949): View more from California

  Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"

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  (949): Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick" http://tfl.nu/m9ln
  Replies (22) Good night (3810) Bad night (1199)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...

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  (303): Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time... http://tfl.nu/53f4
  Replies (4) Good night (2319) Bad night (1006)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is it penis luge time yet?

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  (603): Is it penis luge time yet? http://tfl.nu/x21x
  Replies (8) Good night (1597) Bad night (766)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.

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  (636): I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph. http://tfl.nu/fo7j
  Replies (7) Good night (2203) Bad night (645)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids

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  (302): I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids http://tfl.nu/6v45
  Replies (15) Good night (1843) Bad night (1109)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.

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  (203): nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles. http://tfl.nu/y6oh
  Replies (14) Good night (2729) Bad night (937)
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  (714): View more from California

  Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.

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  (714): Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends. http://tfl.nu/ft9d
  Replies (17) Good night (4472) Bad night (759)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.

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  (207): I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me. http://tfl.nu/zr5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1425) Bad night (477)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!

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  (210): Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together! http://tfl.nu/bu70
  Replies (3) Good night (1219) Bad night (500)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar

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  (817): i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar http://tfl.nu/a2fz
  Replies (1) Good night (678) Bad night (271)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"

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  (989): I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor" http://tfl.nu/29c1
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (234)

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