The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
