there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
