The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Terrible idea I love it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
