I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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