i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want nice things and good sex
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
