8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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