yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
