Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
