.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
