Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize