my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
