At least make sure they are 18
Why
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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