you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
