The maid of honor just puked.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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