I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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