I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize