I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
