he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
