mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
