i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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