Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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