hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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