hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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