Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
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I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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