She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
