I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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