i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
