i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
