She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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