She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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