I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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