My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
