he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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