I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
