Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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