I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
