Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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