so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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