I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
